too many cooks in the kitchen

This morning I was all excited because I was going to make blueberry pancakes!  I got these amazing blueberries from a farmers market up in Ithaca and pancakes just sounded so yummy!  So I got up and went down to the kitchen to start cooking.  Well then my housemates decided to come down and hang out in the kitchen so we could all chat (we do this a lot).  This was cool and everything for awhile and then it was just like they were watching my every move.  I'd like to note how they were commenting on how I'm always baking and stuff and how they both hate baking.  Anyways, I started cooking up my pancakes and then one of the girls decides to tell me that my pancakes look a little undercooked and I might want to leave them on there longer to get a darker brown!  Excuse me....I thought I was cooking and making them for me to eat!!!  This was not the first time I've ever made pancakes and she knew that.  I think I'm intelligent enough figure out if I want them more brown, they require more heat!  I don't think that fact is really rocket science.  (By the way, this is the same roommate that thinks she is so fantastic at everything when really, she can be quite lazy.)  Maybe it is just me but usually I don't tell someone else how to cook unless they ask me or I'm cooking WITH them otherwise it is just plan rude I think.

Anyways, my pancakes were yummy and my stomach is happy now!  My grandma always overcooked her pancakes to the point where they were crispy therefore I like mine just slightly brown which is exactly how they came out! : )

Not alone anymore!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE mr. mac!  Seriously!  My mac book is way fun!  I just got done talking on ichat to Vic and it is so nice to just have a familiar face to talk to.  It is one thing to talk on the phone but getting to see someones facial expressions too....WAY better!   Anyone doing long distance with your hunny, this is the way to go.  Well it might not solve everything but it certainly can't hurt.  I love being a goofball w/ the camera and this just takes it to the next level!  Plus everything on the mac just is more fun!  Especially the photobooth!  Way fun!

ps  Might of had a glass or two of wine so excitement level is up! : )

pss Tomorrow is FRIDAY and I'm super excited I can sleep in slightly before I'm stuck in labview training for half the day!  I'm still proud of myself for pushing off having to go to labview training for this long!  They wanted me to go to it back in Dec but I keep saying I'm too busy since I really don't like labview.  Anyways, now I have to go but at least I get a free lunch out of it.

psss  I get to go to Houghton next week and see my GIRLS!!  SO frickin excited!  

emptying my head

Ho-town Here I Come!

After my plans to go to KY for work next week changed five times, no lie, it was decided that we're going to go the second week in Sept now.  Meaning I get to go to Houghton!  Soooo excited! Not a big fan of the 16 hour drive each way but getting to see my girls, fishbowls at the ambo and the dogs pickled eggs so make it worth it!  I'm driving to Detroit to meet up with a bunch of peeps so at least I don't have to drive by myself from Detroit to Houghton.  If everything goes as planned, I should be there for Double Bubble on fri and then am planning for some fishbowls and pizza at the ambo on sat night!

Roommate

I'm going to use this time to rant about my housemate.  She's very nice and I like her a lot but every once in awhile people get under your skin.  Well today she got under my skin....actually, it has been all week.  So she has been complaining how she has been working so much all week and staying late until six or seven and working on the weekends.  Then today it finally hit me!  When I'm leaving for work around 7:45ish, she is still in her pajamas!  She doesn't go in to work until 9 or 9:30!  There is nothing wrong with this but if your going to go in late and then work late, you can't say that your working lots of overtime! Thats like complaining when you have to work until 5 all the time when it is a 8-5 job!  She just always makes it seem like she works so hard and is so smart and everything.  I give her credit because she has two Masters degrees.  I think one in English and one in Literature and a really great vocab!   She is 30 and I'm 23 (almost 24!) so we're at totally different stages in our life.  I think some of this is coming from the fact that most people I work with are all older and have Masters or PhD's and I feel about about like I can't compete with that and just feel like everyone is better at everything.  I think sometimes I just need to remember that I'm smart and hardworking and be confident with what I've got.  Not going to lie, it is tough to be confident with these darn braces.  I got them when I had a bf and expected to be with him the whole time I had braces.  OK...done with rant...I feel better now!

WTF

Tonight on my run, I noticed that in the backyard of this house, there was a tent with a TV, recliner and even a mini frig!!  Seriously, there was some lady just chilling in there!  I understand that it is warm in the summer and not everyone can afford air conditioning but you can't tell me a mini frig and running a cable out to a tent in the backyard is easier or cheaper then just getting a air conditioner.  In any event, it was really special!

wine and cheese please!

One of the things I absolutely love about this area (Corning, NY) is all the wineries and love of wine everyone has. (Side note: There are over 100 wineries in the area so if anyone wants to come visit for a fun weekend, you are always more then welcome to crash at my place!)  Anyways, our local liquor/wine shop does these "seminars" every now and again!  Tonight was you guessed it, Wine and Cheese!  They are always free and located right in the store!  I went to a Sake Seminar before which was really interesting!  So I signed myself up weeks ago even though I thought I might be going solo and I'm so glad I went!  I had some friends who tried to sign up but apparently there was even a waiting list of about 30 ppl!  We got to try 10 different wine/cheese combos and they were all so good!  Well at least the cheese, there were some pretty dry reds that weren't my fav but I didn't let them go to waste.  I sat next to the only other young people there and they turned out to be pretty entertaining.  Plus I decided that wine and cheese was definitely suitable for dinner since it covers at least two food groups, fruit and dairy! 

Days w/o calling Drew:  12 days

Days w/o stalking his profile on facebook:  zero  : (

**I decided maybe if I write it on here it will encourage to just forget about him otherwise I'll have to admit to all of you what a stalker I am....you know you've done it too!**

mr. mac

I got my new macbook and ipod touch in the mail today and I'm super excited!!  I decided since this is my new replacement for a bf, I shall call him Mr. Mac!  

I had my old desktop for 6 years so I feel like I deserve something a little nicer.  Plus I'm just super happy not to have to lug my HUGE laptop from work home anymore.  Although I do appreciate the huge screen of my Dell for work, the battery weighs almost as much as the computer itself.  

Confession:

I snuck into facebook to check Drew's profile! At least I almost lasted a week!  It was tough because I gave my password to my roommate but then someone else sent me a msg which I was notified through email about.  The plan was going to be that my roommate just would let me onto facebook to check the msg and then take over the password again.  However, my roomies aunt passed away this weekend and I definitely didn't want to bother her so I just reset it myself!  In any event, I did it but now I'm not going to check it for two weeks!

Decisions, Decisions

So here is my dilemma...

I'm finally getting to go down to one of our plants in KY that makes LCD screens the last week in Aug. I'm totally pumped because I finally get to install the equipment I had designed over a year ago. Plus, I think it will be really helpful to actually get some experience down in the plant and will help me understand things much better. Here is the bummer though, I have to leave Sun. night to go down there and won't get back until Fri. at 3 (Friday before labor day weekend). Plus, it will just be me and my supervisor for the WHOLE week and it will be that time of the month so I should be a ton of fun to be around! Here is where the real problem comes in. A bunch of people are heading up to Tech from the Detroit area and although its such a long ways to drive myself, it would totally be do-able if I drove to Detroit and then got a ride up to Tech with everyone else! They are all leaving on Fri. morning around 5 am and since my flight won't be coming back until 3 pm that just won't work. HOWEVER, there are some issues at the plant and our trip might be postponed until the following week. Which means I could totally take Friday off and head to Detroit Thursday night if it really does get postponed. I did tell myself that I would cut back on traveling since I was getting the mac book though which is why I'm really unsure if I should go. Plus, Monday we would be coming back from Tech and probably wouldn't leave that early which would mean I wouldn't be getting back to Corning until way early in the am on Tuesday. Usually these trips take me awhile to recover from too so I would be a deadbeat most of the week. I really, really want to go to Ho-town though b/c it would be so much fun and so great to see everyone! I'm trying not to get my hopes up that the trip will be postponed at all because until it really is, I don't even have the option to go to Ho-town anyways!

By the way, if it is postponed, I'm totally going to be stuck down in KY in a dry county with my supervisor on my birthday! Way not fun! But getting to be at Tech the weekend before would make it that much better!

What should I do if I get the option???

Vacation from Facebook

Hurray! New mac book and itouch are both in the mail! I'm so excited! :)

Also, I decided I can not be trusted on facebook! I totally am that girl and stalk Drew's profile. This is not the girl I want to be so I handed over my account to my roommates for the month! I thought it would be best if I had them change my password so I can't go on facebook and check his profile to see who he is talking to, who is talking to him and whats new in his life. Why should what he is doing matter to me? No matter what, it isn't going to change the fact that we broke up and won't make us get back together and I waste so much time doing that!

Now instead of spending way too much time talking on the phone/arguing with him/stalking his facebook, I have much more time to do the important things like give myself a pedicure, get rid of junk I don't need, read and get soooo much more sleep! (I think that last one, sleep, is the key to me being happier the last week!)

No More BF = Hello New Computer!

Mac vs. PC

This is my struggle for the week. I decided now that I will not be wasting lots of gas money going to MI to see Drew or a b-day or x-mas present for him, I have some free cash and its time I got myself a new laptop! I've had my old Dell Desktop since 2002. It has had many transformations from Tech and who knows what exactly is on there now. All I know is it is frickin slow and too slow for wireless (which my apartment has along w/ the rest of the world now). So lately I've just been using my laptop from work when I need to but really need to get something for myself. After checking out Best Buy and Circuit City today, I'm not convinced that windows is the way to go. Although a few hundred cheaper, they seem exactly that, CHEAPER! I want something low maintance b/c if this is going to replace having a bf, I don't want anything I need to fix or train. : ) Plus right now, Apple has a discount for students and along with the discount on mac's, you get a free ipod nano or touch! My brother is a student still so that definitely counts!

Here is what I was thinking for the Mac:
13-inch: White
2.1GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
2GB memory
120GB hard drive1
Combo drive

Or for $200 more I could upgrade to:
13-inch: White
2.4GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
2GB memory
160GB hard drive1
Double-layer SuperDrive

Any suggestions??

New and Improved!

Friday Night = way fun
I had people over to grill out and have a few drinks before going out. It turned out to be a random mix of people but way fun! Someone I know just got dumped by her fiance a month ago. They dated for seven years and he just broke it off! I thought I was going through a little rough patch but man, that would really be rough.

Saturday
Today was a rough morning! I can't party like I used to at all! For some reason I made a 9 am hair appointment which was not fun to get up for. Plus I felt bad because I was in too rough of shape to wash my hair first and someone spilled beer on me last night so it probably smelled bad too!Luckily, I tried a new stylist after my horrible cut last time. (Bangs also go behind my ears again! YAY!) The new stylist did a great job and I feel so much better now! I made this appointment awhile ago and it came at the perfect time since I feel like a need a fresh new look for the new and improved me! Plus it was just way too dark for summer so the highlights definitely helped to lighten it up and make it more fun.

New and Improved Me
So I was suppose to go to a bridal shower today but the new and improved me decided last minute not to go. It is for someone I met here in Corning. She was fun at first and used to go out but for the last 8 months, I really haven't seen her! I emailed her two weeks ago to see if she could spare 5 mins to help me use Quicken and she hasn't emailed me back yet. I saw her in the cafe a week ago and she said she was really busy but she was having lunch with another friend of mine so obviously she wasn't too busy for that. Also, anytime I've had something going on, she always uses excuses to get out of it. The new and improved me decided that it is time I stop being a polite, thoughtful person to people who don't really care about me! Why should I spend 1.5 hours driving each way to a bridal shower for someone who doesn't have 5 mins for me. (By the way her wedding isn't until Oct. so its not like she is swamped with that stuff quite yet.) Instead, I spend the afternoon laying out in the sun and finish my book! I also applied this new way of thinking to a birthday party I got invited to tonight. I went to this persons party last year and even brought a bottle of wine for her. For my birthday, I didn't even get a "Happy Birthday" from her. She is one of those people who always says we should get together for lunch but never makes it happen. So again, why would I take time out of my schedule to be there for her when she doesn't make any time for me! Instead, I made a really yummy dinner for myself and cleaned out some more of my closet!

Good things today:

• Finished "It's Called a Break Up Beacause It's Broken" - such a good book
• Tried out two new recipes - both yummy, stay tuned for recipes
• Got some sun! : )

5 miles and a box of shoes...

Yesterday I bought the book "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken". So far, its great! It is like they know exactly what I'm thinking! It is by the same authors of "He's Just Not That Into You". This came right from the book:

"It's past two in the morning. You're on your third glass of wine. You're wearing his sweater because it smells like him..."

So this was exactly me the other night and that's why I decided I need to read this!

I started reading it last night and got to chapter two today. It is all about not calling him. Well I was planning on calling him before I even started reading chapter two because for some reason today at work I was thinking that maybe if I just moved there now, things could work out. I wanted to run this idea past him to see what he thought hoping that he would be all excited and I would apply for jobs, quit mine once I got a different one and move there. Well, I got to reading the book and after 6 pages of it saying not to call him and to try calling other people first, I thought I would listen and do that. I seriously tried about 7 people, one including my dad, and everyone must be busy tonight because NO ONE answered! **SIDE NOTE: Vickie totally made my day today though and sent me flowers!!! Seriously, I think I would've needed two more boxes of tissues if I hadn't gotten those flowers today! Thanks again Vickie!!!** So that left me to calling Drew. This actually turned out to be good for me though. Now I have no doubt in my mind that Drew is over me or just about. I think he actually was done with this relationship awhile ago and I didn't realize it. Again, I want to state that this is from both of us, I'm not just blaming him, but I seriously think he just didn't want to end things and waited it out until I was ready to end it.

Anyways, since my last blog was WAY too long, I'll keep this one shorter, still gonna be long though. Since I realized that the only person who is going to be there for me is ME, I am going to use this blog to put my accomplishments for the day or at least things that I did I feel proud of. Also, I realized I need to start trusting my judgement for the same reason. I will not have someone there for me all the time. For this reason, my goal is to try not to ask others what I should wear, I should just wear what I think looks good and what I should wear. Anyways, here are my accomplishments for the day:

• Ran 5 miles!!
• Got rid of 1 box out of 3 boxes of shoes
• Canceled my relationship on facebook (huge step!)

And for the big one....

• Changed the toilet paper right away!!!

Now what....

This past week, things finally ended between Drew and me. I have so many mixed feelings I don’t know what to do with them. I’ve decided I definitely need to write more on here for one thing and maybe that will help sort things out. This is going to be a long one but I got a lot on my mind!

Drew was my person and now I don’t have that anymore…. He was the person I talked to about my day, good or bad. He was the one who helped me and answered all my questions. He was the one who made me look forward to the future and getting to see each other. He was the one who loved to do a lot of the same things I did. He was the one who enjoyed the same kinds of food as me. He was the one who just got me and understood me like no one has before. He was the one I thought I would spend the rest of my life with! He was also the one who brought out emotions in my I never knew I had (not good ones either). He was the one I was willing to change my life for which I thought I never would do for a guy.

Everything changed when he decided he wanted to become a volunteer firefighter a few months ago. I was jealous of this and him wanting to spend so much time doing this instead of planning to spend time with me. He just got a job at Stryker Medical as a Mechanical Engineer and now he is going to be on call every third day including weekends! I just don’t see how there is enough time for me with everything he is doing. Because I felt like this, I got bitchy and mean and jealous without even realizing I was doing this. This pushed him away and made him less willing to make me a priority. Oh and by the way we live 8.5 hours apart which makes things that much tougher.

The few weekends we do get to see each other, we spend most of the time fighting over the future and anything else. Finally this week, enough was enough on both our parts. He actually wanted to end it a few weeks ago but I was convinced we could make it work and try and start over. Well that didn’t work. Luckily, Vickie helped me to realize I’m not happy right now. She has also been there for me weekly when I call her crying and upset at another thing with my relationship. I’m not going to say I’m not an emotional person, but seriously, I’ve never been like this before. And she helped me to realize that! : )

Drew and I mutually decided that it isn’t working at this time in our lives due to timing and distance but it still hurts so much. How can the right guy be out there for you and want to be with you and it just isn’t possible to be with each other?? It just isn’t fair. I’ve been at Corning a year now so technically my contract is up and if I left, I wouldn’t have to pay my relocation back. Sure I would love to just quit my job and move there to be with him but that just doesn’t seem smart to me and has way too much risk. I really do need to stay to get more experience and pay off some debt. Braces, student loans and a car do not pay for themselves. I was planning on moving back to MI next year to go back to school, be with Drew and closer to family and friends. I love this area in NY but taxes suck, laws suck and I miss my friends and fam. I still want to move back to MI next year to pursue a Masters in HR. It just seemed so much easier when I had someone who was going to be there and help me and support me and now I don’t.

So now what….

I’m suck here at my job which isn’t horrible but it isn’t what I want to be doing! Designing machines all day every day just isn’t for me. I’d need to stay here about another year because I won’t be able to start school until the Fall and that’s if I get into MSU. I have friends my they aren’t real friends here. The other night when I was really upset about the breakup, they just figured I needed some time by myself. If I was in Houghton and at the alph gam house, it wouldn’t have mattered who was there, I’m sure they would’ve taken me out either to the bar, DQ or at least taco bell! Someone would’ve been there for me! Now I just don’t know what to look forward to. I know I will get there eventually but it is just hard right now to know that it will be ok. I can fill my life up and be busy but will I really be happy? I just don’t know.

Plus I don’t want to even start thinking about dating! I hate that part where you have to go through the awkward conversation and try and get to know each other. And there is having to deal with things if they don’t work out or having them not calling you. Just too much work and not fun. Drew was the person I went to with all my dating questions before we started going out! Now who is going to give me advice?

I know this is long but I just have so much running through my head right now and just feel so hurt and sad and confused. If it doesn’t work with the person who I thought was so right for me, how will it work with anyone else? And is there anyone else out there that I will love as much?

Work it

This is a really cool website I just have to share.

www.mapmyfitness.com

This allows you to track where you run/bike/walk/whatever! You can make different routes and it even shows the elevation and distance and everything. It is free to become a member and when you do, you can even see other people’s routes in your area. Corning, where I live is small but there are still a ton of different routes and people explain if they are easy or hard or good for walking or jogging. This is great because if I get sick of my normal routine, I can challenge myself to try another one nearby. I know you can get something now to wear on your shoe to see where you went but this somewhat does the same thing and it’s totally free!